By Ravi Prahkbar
This is a problem that has undoubtedly been around since the beginning of time. It is not usually the case that an adult kid will choose their parents as their partner. It was made famous by Shakespeare in the play Romeo and Juliet. The struggle of the original generation to accept the decisions made by your adult children is a prominent issue in both the musical Fiddler on the Roof, which debuted on Broadway, and the current television program Downton Abbey, which airs on the BBC. I am aware of the fact that a Nyandrathal woman got into an argument with her father about the Crowmon guy she wanted to marry. (“Daddy, he's so tall and he's got a lot of brains!”) However, despite the fact that it may be an ageless and widespread topic, the experience of returning home is always difficult. A small selection of samples from our “Ask the Doctor” service are provided below:
A man who is 25 years old and lives in Boston has been quoted as saying, “I've been caught between my mother and my wife.” “My mother in law is Chinese, and she has the expectation that my wife will obey her, and once she does, her mother in law will wait for her.” My mother does not understand why my wife, who is employed all day, cannot begin preparations for supper. Or, if he leaves, why isn't he able to assist him? My mother is often complaining, and my wife is in tears; what should I do?
A young man from Florida writes, “My wife is of Latino descent, while I am of white heritage. My father continues to expand on the topic of illegal immigration wherever we go. She is immune to the influence of my mother. When we get back to her house, we get into arguments because she tells me that I ought to stop doing it, but I do not know anything that would lead me to believe that she is going to change. Help! “
My partner and I have discussed getting married, however we come from different cultural backgrounds, and we are well aware that our families will never give their blessing. We had been meeting in secret for the past four years. – A young man in Serbia Coming from the female
You, too, are experiencing love and passion, just like the people who sent these letters. You want your parents to adore and respect the person you decide to spend your life with just as much as they do them. Instead, they are unable to see past their customs, ideals, or prejudices due to the fact that they are blinded by them. They are unable to recognize your boyfriend or husband for the beautiful individual that he is. They are all incorrect – note the capital W in that phrase. You experience a sense of being caught between them. You have love and respect for your parents, but in addition, you have love and appreciation for your significant other.
It is essential to build a bridge over the divide. Continuous rejection, whether or not it occurs on the surface or seat below the surface, can have the effect of weakening your relationship. This is especially true if you and the person you prefer do not have a crystal clear understanding of your commitment and agreement regarding the degree to which you are willing to be together. is. A dreadful dam has ensnared the child of the parents who refused to take their offer. When one side is listened to and responded to, it leaves the other side feeling ignored or embarrassed. The person who is the focus of others' disapproval may have feelings of being under constant scrutiny or pressure to demonstrate that he is deserving. If the efforts are not wanted, they will quickly become annoying, which will lead to anger that will spread in relationships.
It's a relief to know that there's a solution that's not quite as dramatic as the tragic death scene in Romeo and Juliet. There are some parents that finally accept the decisions made by their adult children and even bless them for doing so, like to Robert in “Fiddler on the Roof,” “Tevye,” or “Downton Abbey.” However, effort and motivation are required. Neither logic nor magic can explain how it takes place.
Do not respond negatively to constructive criticism by offering more constructive criticism. You owe a great deal of who you are today to the principles, customs, and emotions instilled in you by your parents. They have undoubtedly served as an example for several generations and are the focal point of the identity of your family. Keeping the past of your family a secret is neither honest nor beneficial. be so kind. The older generation remains steadfast in their beliefs and perspectives because doing so allows them to better cope with the ever-evolving reality. It is likely that they have excellent intentions. Find ways to demonstrate to the family of your ancestors that you value and respect your heritage, even as you work toward being a member of a global community that is comprised of people from a variety of walks of life and backgrounds.
Do not give in to the parents' rejection by offering an explanation or defense. It goes without saying that there must be something in need of protection. To quarrel with you is what is meant by “argue.” Give thoughtful and respectful responses to their concerns. Recognize that a marriage between people of different cultures is becoming increasingly challenging. Express your regret that they are experiencing what they are experiencing. Confirm your affection for them and your overall respect for their opinions, but make it quite obvious that you have chosen a path forward regardless of what they may think. There is no question that the path of peace is the more productive one.
Do not try to hide the fact that you are dating. The fact that you are trying to conceal it shows that you are ashamed of your decision. Someone will find out sooner or later, and when that happens, the entire family will be upset, and they will be upset with the two of you. Check if you are both on the same page on the commitment to remain together. Make sure you are certain. There is no reason not to communicate with your parents about anything that is not the most recent.
Do not attempt to educate either your partner or your parents with the help of your partner, nor should you attempt to educate yourself with the help of your partner. Someone who wants to use you as a wing in your continuous struggle about topics like religion or caste or the circumstance you have with your parents should not do so. This behavior is not appropriate.